Carmel Harmony
by Jesse's Querida
Summary: this is my first fic....suze is really sad and she is pulling things together(her life)her friends are distant and she needs someone....but that someone thinks that his ghost-self keeps him from seeing her(guess who)will be PG13 soon.i will not update ti
1. Hating You

A/N: this is pretty much what is going on- Jesse left 8 days ago after the whole graveyard thing, and now Suze is at school on the last day before vacation. She is depressed and stuff. After the first scene thing 8 days have passed and Suze has been upset for 14 days total. She has one week to get her life back together and gain her lost weight and stuff……I love makeovers so I had to do it!

Chapter One: Hating You

"_Drop it Paul"_ Paul Slater had just about popped my last nerve. It was hanging by a thread…

"Whoa there Suze! What is it, did Rico Suave like dump you or something."

I don't know where it came from, but one minute Paul had my against the wall and the next he was pushed by someone (or something) against-no _into_-the opposite wall.

_Dad!_ No, no it couldn't be. He had died, no ghost to be found; and trust me, I looked _everywhere I went_. Could it be…no, it can't have been. Father D just told me. He was at the rectory. He couldn't be here. But then I looked.

_It was Tad Beaumont!_

"Dude, leave Suze alone or you will go back to State and be serving 20/20 doing push-ups." I totally didn't get that comment cause I was just so surprised that _Tad_ was here. I thought that he went to live in San Francisco with his Aunt because of his psycho human/vampire dad?

"Tad! Oh my god! You are back!"

"Go, Suze. I'll handle him," Tad said while nodding towards Paul who was squirming like the fish that "fell" out of their tank when I got Tad's dad's study was on fire. It was ALL totally his Uncle's fault though. I have witnesses.

But I couldn't let _Tad_ handle Paul. Sure he was all big and muscular and-

Okay, maybe he could take care of Paul. But whatever. I wasn't in the mood to argue.

"Hey Suze, I don't want you to get hurt. I know you are like Super girl, but Paul is wanted for 8 murders and 9 rapes. Not to mention the 11 robberies, but then his name was Tony Brown."

"Suze, this guy has NO idea what the hell he is saying-"But Paul didn't finish. No way did he finish cause Kelly Prescott just _had_ to choose that moment-where I was very interested in this Tony Brown dude-to come out and go, in this really high and squeaky voice, "Who are _you_!" Trés chic, I'd say.

And then I saw who she was talking to. And I saw her eyes widen as she looked down his body and see his obvious six-pack defined by his semi-tight black sweater. And then he spoke. To _me_, when at that moment I wanted nothing to do with the heart-breaking cowboy.

"Sussannah, I need to speak with you," Jesse said. "I have a surprise for you." I had it! Who did these people think that they were? NO ONE can play with Suze Simons head like that! NO ONE! Do they think that I have no dignity, no pride at all! That's why I said the first thing that popped into my head, and it was just my little surprise to this "new Jesse."

"Jesse, why don't you take that surprise and shove it up your-"

"OH MY GOD, Suze! We need to talk! Do you know how far behind we are in the election!"

And then EVERYONE started screaming my name, Kelly because she wanted me to introduce her to Jesse, who looked totally sexy in black jeans and his black sweater (and where did he get those clothes from anyway!) – not that I cared, because I totally didn't- Tad because he wanted me to go out with him on Saturday, Paul because he didn't want me to go out with Tad, Father Dominic because he wanted me in his office "Immediately!", Dopey because he wanted to remind me that I couldn't go because Mom was grounding me for doing some other thing that I don't remember, and, well, you get the picture.

So you can imagine how overwhelmed I was by just everything that had gone on in the past week-the whole thing at Paul's, Craig's case, Jesse and the rectory, my feet dying, _this_, and just my whole LIFE- that I just bolted out of these, leaving everyone thinking I was still in the middle of the crowd.

I ran to the only place I _could _go- to the graveyard. There I sat on the bed of my favorite flowers that Father D got put there around this ebony bench. But I didn't cry. I had cried enough for the past weeks; about Jesse, lessons with Paul, Father D sending me to a psychiatrist, and now my psycho school. So ya, I couldn't cry at all really. My eyes were dried out, never to be refilled because I was never going to mess up and fall in love ever again. Never.

All I did was sing softly and fall asleep on the sweet scents that I could barely recognize, because of all the saddening things that had been going on in my life.

Yet in the back of my mind, all I wanted was for Jesse to come and comfort me until all was better-

-all was better…

Jesse's POV

I helplessly watched Sussannah scream at all of the commotion going on around her. I again watched her helplessly as she sang in a shaky, but beautiful voice. You could tell that she was holding back many tears, and it took all of my strength to not go running to her, hold her, and comfort her until she was back to her silly, bubbly self.

But I knew better. She would only yell at me for things I knew were entirely my fault. I watched her cry herself to sleep for the last 6 nights. I could only hope that when she was healthy and happy she would come around to talk to me…

…for I had much to tell.

Suze's POV

He didn't come back to close my window that night. Or the next. Or the one after that. No, Jesse would never come back. I know that this would be the end of our rendezvous, as fun as they could be (ya right).

Jesse and I were over. In fact we had never begun. To say that I was pissed would be an understatement.

Yet I still cried my self to sleep when I thought that I was better. I still screamed at night, only to awake in my mother's arms, shushing me until I would fall asleep again. Only to scream some more.

But exactly 8 days after Jesse and I had our little sentence long "reunion", I woke up after a night devoid of crying and screaming. I went to my full-length mirror and what I saw was only to be expected, but horrific.

A girl who was thin, pale, bony, and sad looked back at me. But in her eyes was hate. Something that no one should experience. Good thing that we had two weeks off when I went anorexic.

But I had. I went through hell because of a stupid cowboy ghost who only cared about himself. He was out of my life now, though, so I had to move on. Live on.

I went downstairs after what seemed like centuries, and sense no one was up, I went to the fridge and cooked up some breakfast. Yumm…..bacon and eggs!

"Suze, what are you doing down here? I mean its fine that you're here but, I just, I haven't seen you in, like, ages. Since school ended, actually." Brad had taken to being nice to me since the whole school thing. I hadn't seen Tad at all yet, but Brad said that he came by a lot to see me. I was always "out".

"Ya, well, you know me…always surprising you," I put my breakfast on a plate and walked over to the couch that Brad was sitting on and sat on the opposite end, leaning on the arm rest.

Brad dropped his plate when I sat down and he looked at me, in the eyes. He gasped. "Suze, what has happened to you? Was it that Jesse guy that was always in your room, cause I swear, me and Jake will kill him if it was!"

I flashed Dopey a shut-up-and-leave-me-alone look. It worked well enough. Then Jake walked in. "Brad, Suze." He saluted us. "_Suze!_ What is wrong with you! You look so _mad_-okay I'll shut up now. Hang on-was it that Jesse guy who was always in your room, cause I swear-"

"Why don't you two leave me alone? It was Jesse, okay! But I'm fine now. Anyways, he's as good as dead by now. Can we just _drop_ the subject!" I said, piercing them with a you'd-better-say-yes look. Sleepy and Dopey both held their hands up in surrender.

" Okay, but Mom and Dad are out tonight, so we can either stay home or I can drop you off somewhere. I just left David at his friend Mike's house. Do you two want to go anywhere?"Jake offered. Both of them were being extra nice to me by now, probably because they thought I was still a fragile little girl.

But now I was different. I was stronger.

_After all you put me through  
You'd think I'd dispise you  
But in the end I wanna thank you  
'Cause you made that much stronger_

Well I thought I knew you, thinking that you were true  
Guess I, I couldn't called your bluff, time is up  
'cause I'e Had enough  
You were there by my side, always down for the ride  
But your joy ride just came down in flames  
'Couse your greed sold me out in shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating  
You probably think that I hold resentment for you  
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong  
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do,  
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through  
So I wanna say thank you  
'cause it

Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
It makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming,  
All of your backstabbing  
Just so, you could cash in  
On a good thing before I'd realized your game  
I heard you're going round  
Playin' the victim now  
But don't even begin  
Feeling I'm the one to blame  
'Cause you dug your own grave(A/N: grave lol!)_, uh huh_

After all of the fights and the lies  
Yes your wanting to HURT me  
But that won't work anymore, uh no, it's over  
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture  
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down  
So I wanna say thank you  
'cause it

(Chorus)  
Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
It makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew  
Turn out to be unjust so cruel  
Could only see the good in you  
Pretended not to see the truth  
You tried to hide yourself  
Through living in denial  
But in the end you'll see  
YOU WON'T STOP ME

I am a fighter and I (fighter and I)  
I ain't gon stop  
There is no turning back  
I'VE HAD ENOUGH

(Chorus)  
Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
It makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget but I  
I remember  
Yes, I remember  
I'll remember

Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter  
Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
It makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter

A/N: it kinda really sux, cause I'm bad at writing in the characters lingo (I did Suze kinda bad, but I'm trying to make her sound less fun and uppety and happy and bubbly and stuff)….hope you all like it…..read and review!

Otherwise I won't post the next chappy (I need 3 reviews atleast!)

Tad will have a bigger part o promise, but I might make something happen...and I never plan what I write I just let my fingers becum alive and dance along the keyboard and then I read it and I'm like "whoa…..this sux. I think I need a manicure"…..Suze WILL SURVIVE!

Hope u luv it! R/R: )

Luv Jesse'sDevil teeheehee!u know u love me!


	2. Rings of All Meanings and Moods

A/N: sry I feel bad cause I left ya'll waiting for the updation (is that a word. w/e). So thanx for the reviews, I was totally surprised that I got so many! I tried to upd8 asap but I had a hectic weekend (spring break yo!). So here's the new chappy…it was sposed to be longer but I had a huge change of plans in the story line so its short….i will update next time sooner I hope!btw…the last song was "fighter" by Christina Aguliara

Love Jesse's Querida

Disclaimer: Meg owns everything but the plot…and I own Orlando Bloom…haha I wish

Chapter Two: Rings of all Meanings and Moods

It was when I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean with Dopey that I got the call. I know; a movie with Dopey? Was I out of my mind! Well, I guess I kind of was but, you know, it was the only movie we could agree on.

So I was on the part where Orlando Bloom is being all "I'm strong and masculine and sexy and hot and I'm gonna free you out Jack," just with this totally sexy British accent, when the phone shrieked off the hook and Dopey just gave me a look that said, "answer it cause you are like my secretary loser" and I was like, "you know what, freak, maybe I _will_ cause maybe I wanna see if Cee and Adam are thinking about me."

Okay, so I hoped that it was Jesse.

Jeez, give a girl a break, will ya? I _was_ thinking that maybe, now that I knew he was alive, he'd be all "now I will get my Latino butt over to Sussannah and totally ask out the hottie."

Well, a hottie did call. And he did have an accent.

But it was British.

No, I'm totally kidding, Orlando Bloom did not call my house, but instead it was some dude that sounded _way_ too familiar for my liking…..hmmmm…maybe Jesse got his voice changed when he got his life kicked up his butt.

Haha, ya right. In my _dreams_. Instead, Some guy was like, "Hey, Suze! It's Tad. What's up?"

"Hmmm, Tad, a lot is up. I'm waiting for Orlando Bloom a.k.a. Will Turner to call me out and ask me to Prom and for Cee or Adam to call me up and say they want to hang out, or maybe Brendan Frasier asking me out to dinner, or even Prince William. Oh, ya, and I'm waiting for the queen of England to say I'm her long lost daughter Sussannah III of um, London England. And that I had an arranged marriage to Jesse de Silva, I mean Prince William. So, Tad, what's up with _you_?"

No, everyone who fell off their chair and had a heart attack get up and get your pulses going. I _did not_ say that. Do you think I am that good at replies? No way! I came up with a witty, "Er, not much. Just, you know, haha, watchin' a movie with, um, Dop-uh Brad."

I am _smooth._ But he just totally caught me out of the blue with a, "So, ya, you know, Suze, I'm here with my aunt cause she wants me to finish high school here in stead of up at San Fran. And, well, we kind of left our relationship at a bad ending, so you wanna like, I dunno, go on a date with me?" The last part was wicked fast, so I asked him to repeat himself. "You know, you want to go on a date tonight, since Kelly is having a party and all?"

"She is?" I asked.

"Well, ya. She has one like everyday." "Um, okay, sure. Just don't follow me and like this time make sure that I don't get myself poisoned."

Ya, I did mention that he was a little slow, right? It took him a really long time to figure out that I was kidding about the whole poison and follow thing. "Haha, ya, I'll be like your knight-in-shining-armor! Ya! So okay then, pick you up at around 8?"

"Ya, that sounds great. See ya then." I replied.

"Ya, bye Suze. By the way, it's a pool party."

"Okay, thanks, _bye_."

_Click._

"Who was that?" Dopey asked me. "Tad. Tad Beaumont. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to Kelly's party with him. God, it's a pool party…I don't have anymore suits because Spike chewed 'em up."

The phone just _had_ to ring just once I got into the movie again. "Hello?"

"Suze! We haven't talked and gossiped in soooo long! I'm having a pool party tonight at 7:30. Bring Brad and Jake with you."

"Sure, Kelly, I think I can come. Hold on, lemme ask Brad," I held the phone off of my ear, "Hey, Brad, you wanna go to Kelly's pool party with Tad and me?" His jaw dropped. "Sure, Kel, he'd be flattered to go-"

"_Oh my god! _YOU ARE GOING WITH TAD BEAUMONT TO MY PARTY! Suze, I am soooo happy that you guys picked off where you left off last year! Just watch out, because he likes to see the inside of girl's pants on the first date."

She was screaming so loud that I had to hold the phone as far away as I could.

"Um, sure. Thanks for the tip. I'll use it. Hey, Kelly, I've got another call on the line, so I got to go, kay?"

"Okay, Suze. Ciao babe."

_Click._

"Hello?" "Suze, honey! How are you? Are you feeling better? Honey, you should go to the beach today, it's just marvelous outside! You could really use a tan-"

"Thanks, Mom, but I'm going to a pool party at Kelly's. Remember her?"

"Oh, of course, sweetie! I'm so happy for you. Bring Brad along though. He seems to have a little bit of a crush on her…that would just be adorable if they went out! And then we could go get the two of you matching dresses for Prom! And-"

"Ya, Mom, speaking of dresses, I have to go to the mall and get a new suit. I'll see you when you get home, kay? Bye."

"Bye, sweetie, and don't forget to eat dinner. Andy left some of the pizza pies he made this morning for anyone who decided to stay home. I'll see you soon too! Bye."

_Click._

When I turned to face Dopey, I was greeted by a scarlet face. Quite ugly too…a.k.a. it was Brad's face.

"Why are you-ohh," I pinched his cheek and said in a squeaky baby voice, "Does Bwady-boo have an itty bitty cwush on Kewwy? Aww…"

"_Shut up bitch."_

"Aww…I hit a soft spot. Bwady-boo in lub! We should get an itty bitty suit for Bwady-boo and Kewwy to wear to Pwom!"

"Why don't you go and suck face with that dumb jock Tad? Huh? Atleast you and him have something in common-_dumbness!"_

And I cracked up and fell of the sofa and rolled on the ground giggling like an idiot and tearing.

"What?" Brad frowned.

All I could choke out was, "Dumbness-not-word. Brad…stupid…straight Fs…Suze…As…Tad…basketball…good…yummy face."

"Shut up…and Suze, that's just gross. What girl says that a guy's face is 'yummy'? "Brad said, looking pretty satisfied with himself.

And it led me to another laughing spas attack.

And then it rang _again._

I reached the phone, but then I realized that it was the doorbell that rang.

"We came as soon as we heard." CeeCee and Adam said in unison.

"What the hell did you 'hear'?" I asked with my eyes narrowed.

"That you were like going out of the house to the party with Tad and, just, that you were out of your room."

"Ah…and how pray tell did you here that?" I asked my eyes still narrowed but a little softer and more understanding.

"C'mon, Suze. Your mom called us and said that she was worried sick about you and told us the whole not eating and screaming and crying and we came over and talked to you. Don't you remember? God, you were shaking head to toe, tears just flowing and your mom said that she hadn't let anyone come into your room except for us. And you just were out of it and crying and shaking with your eyes shut and palms bleeding from your nails digging in your skin and then you screamed and your mom had us go. They called a psychologist to your house, Suze. You don't remember?" CeeCee took a deep breath and braced herself. "And, Suze, didn't you hear? Father Dominic-he-he-he _died. _ I stepped back in shock with my eyes wide.

I ran inside, the front door still open. Adam and CeeCee followed me out. "Suze, what are you doing? Don't-don't do anything…rash. C'mon, don't worry about it. You'll be fine. He was bound to die sooner or later. And he was just your _principal_-"

I whipped around at Dopey, standing in the doorway to the dining room. "_You knew. You knew, yet you felt it important to keep this to yourself. Do you know how much Father Dom and I went threw together? He was the only one who understood me-_well, not in _that_ way but-_he is dead. He was-is-the closest thing that came to my dad! I cannot believe you-all of you!"_

I grabbed the keys off the stand and ran out the door. I slammed the door, ignoring CeeCee and Adam.

I jumped in the front seat, not knowing what I was doing. I just knew one thing-I had to make sure. I had to save Father Dominic. I had to kill Paul. I had to find Jesse. Kill him.

Kill _all_ of them. They made mine and Father Don's life such a hell. Such a complex, fked up _hell_.

And now Father Dom was dead. And I knew he didn't die of a natural death, if Brad's 'He was bound to die sooner or later' was any indication.

God, I was mad. I was furious. I was _seething._ All of the sadness was washed away.

All that kept running in my head was _Father D is dead-Father D is dead- must find Paul-Father D is-_

And then I saw a bright white light.

I couldn't find the brakes fast enough.

The last thing I heard was a blood curling scream that flew from my lips.

A/N: There's more than meets the eye. I love Father Dominic; do you think my angelic self would kill Father D? coughmutters in the background

So please read and review and _I_ will do my job and update as soon as possible for the wonderful enthusiastic and flattering public.

Tootles!

Much love!

33

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

and here's my song for this chappy!

They passed me by, all of those great romances  
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances  
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy  
And so I dealt you the blow  
One of us had to go  
Now it's different, I want you to know

One of us is crying  
One of us is lying  
In her lonely bed  
Staring at the ceiling  
Wishing she was somewhere else instead  
One of us is lonely  
One of us is only  
Waiting for a call  
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small  
Wishing she had never left at all

I saw myself as a concealed attraction  
I felt you kept me away from the heat and the action  
Just like a child, stubborn and misconceiving  
That's how I started the show  
One of us had to go  
Now I've changed and I want you to know  
One of us is crying  
One of us is lying  
In her lonely bed  
Staring at the ceiling  
Wishing she was somewhere else instead  
One of us is lonely  
One of us is only  
Waiting for a call  
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small  
Wishing she had never left at all  
Never left at all

Staring at the ceiling  
Wishing she was somewhere else instead  
One of us is lonely  
One of us is only  
Waiting for a call

"one of us" by ABBA


	3. Cheating

A/N: sorry it took sooo long…school id like busy and stuff….and I had vacation in my place at OC of course!

Chapter 3: Cheating

I was walking on the beach when it happened. I hadn't seen her since that day in her school. She stayed locked up in her house. Father Dominic said that it was for the better that we were growing distant. But I just couldn't do that. I loved her too much.

And I never told her.

I failed. It really was my fault. Everything could have been so different if things hadn't gone so wrong. If my temper hadn't gotten the better of me, our lives could have twirled in a different direction.

Flashback:

_It was unusually late. Sussannah had been at CeeCee's house working on a project, she told me._

_And she lied._

_I overheard David telling Mrs. Ackerman about how Sussannah went over el bastardo Paul's house. I was furious. She _lied_ to me. I thought that she loved me, after our episode in the Mission's graveyard._

_But she didn't. Otherwise she would have been able to tell me. _

_Out of pure fury and rage I materialized into Slater's room, where Sussannah was in the bastard's arms. She was committing a sin that I thought was beneath her._

My_ Sussannah was kissing Slater. Full-on, like she kissed me._

"What is this!"_ I exclaimed, anger dripping off of my every word._

"_Jesse! Oh my god, this isn't what you think! Paul gets the hell off of me!" Sussannah screamed. But it was too late. I materialized before her lover said anything._

_I materialized on the Ackerman's roof. The sun was setting. The day before Sussannah and I both lie here watching the sun set, in each other's arms._

_And there she was, the very next day, embracing another man. _How could she?_ He tried to _kill_ her!_

_As I was pondering this, Sussannah drove up in the car she borrowed from Jake. I heard her jump on her windowsill in her room. I watched her step up onto the roof and make her way to me. And I got up, ready to go somewhere else._

_And she touched me._

"_Jesse, wait! Don't- atleast let me explain! I-"_

"_It is too late for explaining, _Suze_," I told her. "I now know where your heart truly lies, and who you truly are. You are just like that slut Maria. No, you are worse than her. Sussannah, you have disappointed me. We are finished. You can go sleep around with whomever you like openly now. No need to keep it all hushed up. Go now. Carry on. Go make love with _Slater_." My voice sounded harsh to myself. As hard as my family's mansion walls. They held together like _iron.

_I dematerialized, but right after I saw Susannah's face crumble in misery and helplessness._

_But I had no feelings for her anymore. She was just like Maria and all her piers. Cheating, sinning, and sleeping around like it was nothing. _

_I materialized beside Father Dominic, who was praying to the God. I never told the good Father of all the sins Susannah commit. If she truly loved Father the way she claimed, she would tell him of her wrongdoings, and if not, shame on her._

_That's when it happened. _

_A wind rushed over me. I looked at Father Dominic. How could I have felt it when Father did not? I am but a soul trapped between two worlds, and I felt that wind._

_It was harsher than any other wind I had felt in my life. Harsher than the wind when I rode my first horse. Even harsher than the wind that came over me when I died. _

_And there you had it. I was alive again._

_But I saw in Father's eyes, he was dieing as I was living. Confusion spread across my face._

_Then I finally managed to breath, "_What…have…you…done?"

A/N: I know, it's really short. I will update as soon as possible next time, and the chappy will be LONGER! I know what the story will be about, but I need some tips….I also dunno if it should be Suze/Tad, Suze/Jesse, or Suze/Paul……s/pspice (but I will make Paul sweet in his our sexy way), s/tb-ball games(lol), and s/j classic cheese romance


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